Good news rising

So first I want to make a list of things I want to see happen:

GET A JOB a real job and one that I like or find something in.

make lunches for that job and eat healthy and tasty.
get propane and have barbeques.

teach phil how to play guitar and practice more often m'self.

more art! more public art!
-graffiti walls project
-get better at softball!
-go places, n'do things

basically okay its clear just get out of here.
I need an employment, some kind of functional role.

Turns out in the experiment of non-functionality there is a greatness but also an implicit weakness in trying to go about things non-functionally. that which one accomplishes only by being highly functional falls by the wayside when nothing is strategically planned. it's nice, but its only nice.

---- i can't possibly blog about some things. not because I don't think they are BEYOND EXPRESSION OMG but because they are so private. I will have to start another blog only for myself. Or just write more in MSword.

I want to do two art ideas,
one is the trickle-down effect,
the other is a comic about last night at the funniest parts. I only wish I could draw. something needs to be said about it. more on this later maybe.

except that everytime i start do separate myself from this right now i am overwhelmed by a sense of bottoming out and desperation. im just lonely right now; lonely and in solitude. its exactly what I wanted; its better than maximizing happiness all the time and not knowing how great some things actually are, and how rotten other things are.

things are changing. this light in my room is actually dark, and these words won't solve my woes.

mastervisa. half of this post is a note to myself for future reference.