A feeling I got the other day

Before you go on, let me reassure you this is no normal feeling. Living where I am living, I am developing some complexes that are a bit beyond my control. My sense of security and property are definately always in question here. My orange chair on my balcony was stolen. I find people smoking crack on my outdoor mattress. People go by at 6am making a racket also about crack. There's a tent outside my landlord provides for the local junkies and hoo-hahs, and he just reconstructed it. My old neighbours took exacto blades to the old tarp and so when I was sitting in my now stolen chair I used to be able to see bums go in there and try to defecate and so forth. Two laptops across at the new neighbours were stolen. My P.E.I Roommate leaves his window open and he doesn't see the madness. In the midday and early hours of the morning i can hear prostitutes arguing or crying with their respective pimps or security guards or whatever it is those men do. They're more like male cheerleaders really, only far less bubbly. And don't forget, rich people used to dump their wealthier trash in my lot. My roommate tim had a party here and someone painted my door. Someone also threw out an art bottle I was working on, and then made a joke about having thrown it out artistically.

So this is a rough collage of where I feel like I'm living. And there are complexes coming out of it all. When I go to nicer neighbourhoods I really notice because I can't believe that the doors are unlocked, or that they have left some of their stuff outside or in places easily penetrated. And then I have to remember that these people feel safe.

But forget those people; they're where they are, they maybe pay a bit differently or just got luckier. What fundamentally shakes me is how pathetically cheap the situation is. Ottawa is the housewife city of Canada that is more interested in making visitors comfortable and happy than the residents who occupy these streets full time. Ottawa's police keep bums looking for change out of the market and in the locals's neighbourhoods. The Capital aspect cannot show signs of real life. I live in the asshole of the market where tourists interests end and prostitute-crack-savagery interests begin. I try to decorate this slum a bit and get trouble from landlords and over-enthusiastic police or capsules of authority that can't wait to have something to push around. Put a camera around my neck, rub sunscreen all over me, give me a stupid ottawa hat and we'll see if the trick to this place is to look loaded and therefore the most important person in ottawa. See if police on bikes show up to clear the crack heads out of my way.

This place is getting me down. I need a job, and I'd really like to get some propane to bbq and build a community through food. I need better company in this area.

nouveau deco ?

Third installment;

third edition.

Dreaming

i know its cheap and done quickly but it made me laff.

Back design problematix

vote on your favorite, if any. or just let me know whats f-d up about one or the other. and also tell me whats good and what to keep, or ill ruin everything.

bummer

i have nobody t'have tea with

Some Fun

some poems and some art.
still no job,
still no hope.
i guess that makes for good news.

CD Cover Design

front back

not done yet

better consistency?

Toronto

I'm in Toronto. Don't be jealous, now.

on a journey of sorts. It's good to escape something worth escaping when the time presents itself.

no?

Bum Idea

Penthouses.

I had this idea to do something visually representing the trickle-down effect. I had this idea when I saw a resident of a penthouse apartment/condo dump water that had gathered on their penthouse decor and accessories on their penthouse balcony. The water literally trickled down to the lower balconies, and instantly I thought about how in the same way it could be said to be cleaning those other balconies with the dirty water of the rich. In the way this makes intuitive sense (water cleans) it doesn't make a great deal of sense since the dirt from their luxury goods has accumulated into the water. But similarly, in the way the trickle down theory makes intuitive sense, in practice it may be the biggest bunk load of conservative shutupmedicine ever.

yet for this I want to add in with hand drawn figures.

Good news rising

So first I want to make a list of things I want to see happen:

GET A JOB a real job and one that I like or find something in.

make lunches for that job and eat healthy and tasty.
get propane and have barbeques.

teach phil how to play guitar and practice more often m'self.

more art! more public art!
-graffiti walls project
-get better at softball!
-go places, n'do things

basically okay its clear just get out of here.
I need an employment, some kind of functional role.

Turns out in the experiment of non-functionality there is a greatness but also an implicit weakness in trying to go about things non-functionally. that which one accomplishes only by being highly functional falls by the wayside when nothing is strategically planned. it's nice, but its only nice.

---- i can't possibly blog about some things. not because I don't think they are BEYOND EXPRESSION OMG but because they are so private. I will have to start another blog only for myself. Or just write more in MSword.

I want to do two art ideas,
one is the trickle-down effect,
the other is a comic about last night at the funniest parts. I only wish I could draw. something needs to be said about it. more on this later maybe.

except that everytime i start do separate myself from this right now i am overwhelmed by a sense of bottoming out and desperation. im just lonely right now; lonely and in solitude. its exactly what I wanted; its better than maximizing happiness all the time and not knowing how great some things actually are, and how rotten other things are.

things are changing. this light in my room is actually dark, and these words won't solve my woes.

mastervisa. half of this post is a note to myself for future reference.

Fish hood

this was hand drawn and edited afterthefact, yea yea i know no purity in this industry anymore. i dont know what is going on with stuff, i am no computer genius.

influence

feels like this poem is influenced by e.e.cummings.
thats probably because i was generously loaned a book of his poetry by seamus the explorer and i really like how whimsical cummings sounds.

oh and this actually happened at the earl of sussex a few days ago. its a funny way to spend a salary.

cummings

im tired and things just crash all day everytime i try stuff.

oomph

pathetic fallacy

today
as the wind picked up
i was let go

from my greenpeace position

and shed no tears
for the clouds volunteered their services
in my honour