bleedy claptraps of gutter trash leftovers

i felt ugly in a funny way because the chap im sleeping with woke up this morning and left the bed quickly; more quicker than normal and immediately in a grumpy haze i called him a pig and went back to sleep.

not really.

not in a way that Id mean it. first order logic got bitchy in the morning and said he doesnt want to hang around cause theres no use for you this morning you bleedy emotional claptrap, and second order logic said listen to you you're fucking hilarious you woman, look at all this space you just inherited and you're complaining so what's your deal. get him to get you an advil and go back to sleep, what he does is his business.

either side is either being overly feminine in some way; the former internalizes, the latter says fuck everyone, and in the end its obvious what either side is saying: i give a damn.

but reader[s?], be aware if you are male that there are signals in your making and breaking of patterns. if i weren't so skeptical, or bipolar or something, i would quietly be resenting him right now, or forgetting him completely.

instead i think im meeting him later for a night of art.

watch out for women; we have these thoughts, especially when we are bleedy claptraps of gutter trash leftovers. good thing i dont take it seriously, its more of a stream of thought i like to make fun of.

pz